My friends, they love my intelligence
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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