Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So here I am, sexting at work.
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