I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
