Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
