Your face is a jimmy john
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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