She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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