new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
