in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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