im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
