The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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