I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have aggressive nipples.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
