He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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