I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
