is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
