Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
