It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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