ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.