what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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