I faked an abortion last night.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
