Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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