Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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