If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...