i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.