You're completely useless in the revolution.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
