I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
