Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
