the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
