I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
