id be glad to
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
