yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
