I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
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I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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