whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
