Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
