i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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