There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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