i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
