if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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