I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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