walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
