why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
