Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
