im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
