Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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