I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
