I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
