Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
