So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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