We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
