I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He shit in the fireplace
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
