Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
