good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
