We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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