Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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