good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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