She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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