If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
