Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
