what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
