I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
