Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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