There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm really busy with my period
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