Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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