Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.