I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day