i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.