Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”