I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."