His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy