And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize