One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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