I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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