The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
