I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
