I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
