I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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