had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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