never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
