i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
this hospital has no fireball
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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