No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize