I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize