i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
