I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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