I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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