dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
